I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
