there's paper in my vomit.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I will pee on everything he values.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
