tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
