I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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