When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
