Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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