I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
