I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
4 words: hood of his car
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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