i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
