the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
