I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
