what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
