I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
