I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
