i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
