Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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