I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
