i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
