i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
