just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
