In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
