If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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