I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
