oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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