it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
