I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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