therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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