Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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