More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
