and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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