So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
