I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
