i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
