theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
