glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
