found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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