just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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