Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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