I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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