My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
