Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
