She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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