at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
