New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
