Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
