i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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