It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
