why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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