"it" just moved
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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