so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize