Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
