There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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