There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
