the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
