i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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