Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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