My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
