he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
