Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
