Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
why didn't you poke me back
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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