Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
