Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
