awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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