after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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