yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
