Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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