remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize