dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
