I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
