I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
