god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
