piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
