I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
