Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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