***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
