i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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