sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How naked do you want me to be?
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