you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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