Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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