I think im going to throw up on grandma
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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