Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
