I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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