dude i'm inner monologue high
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
