party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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