Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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