Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
