I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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