I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
