I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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