Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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