I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize